Funny stories remember what I said about leaving me alone

The time was 2:36 and school had just ended. I was really eager to leave the campus: one, because school sucks and two, because my mom was picking me up in the ghettoest van imaginable and I didn't want anyone to see it. Of course being the great mother she is, she parked the hunk-a-junk right, smack dab in front of the school where it could be seen by pretty much everyone and their mother. no pun intended. So there I am already embarrassed that i had to be seen in front of the piece of crap. I go to get into the thing via the sliding door. I open the slider and it decides not to stop. Yeah,it just kept sliding and fell off its higes all together and clunked right onto the ground. I had to go to the wood shop and ask for a screwdriver to fix it. It, to this very day, haunts me when I sleep. --Tyler

Last night, about 8pm, a woman and her two daughters come to my pharmacy to ask advice about hydrocortisone cream. "The doctor said to put this on my daughter's burn, and I don't know which one to get." Hydrocortisone on a burn? I had to ask questions...
"Is that your daughter? (looking at a 7 or 8 year old)" Mom picks up the smaller child and sits her on my drop off counter "No, it's this one" Child looks to be about 3 years old, and the skin on her face, mainly around her eyes, is all red and puffy. "What happened? Do you know what caused this burn?" It didn't look much like a burn to me, so I had to know details. Then the mom of the year story came out...
"Well, she got into my makeup. So, I used hot soapy water to try to wash it off, and it wouldn't all come off, so then I tried nail polish remover" Alrighty then....
Who on God's green Earth would take makeup off with nail polish remover???? Come ON lady, would you put it on your OWN face? No? Then why did you put it on your CHILD'S face??? Around her EYES no less???
I picked out a hydrocortisone product for her, told her not to use it more than a couple of days, and to follow up with the doctor again if it didn't improve by then. Then, I hoped that the kid didn't ever get into makeup again...

Once I was at the apartment of this guy I really like, and he was using the restroom when I really had to use the bathroom too. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and I didn't know what to do, so I just dropped my pants and crapped right there on the floor, and I swear I was going to pick it up with a paper towel and throw it away, but right then he came out of the bathroom. I threw a pillow over my crap and hoped he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he knew something was up, so he picked up the pillow and there was my crap. He was like, "What the Hell is this", and I was so scared that I just made up this story. I said "Your dog just ran in here and pooped on the floor, but I didn't want the dog to be embarrassed so I covered it up." And he said "I don't have a dog, I think you're lying". And I'm thinking gee what tipped you off. So he knew it was me, and he picked up the poop and he threw it at me. So I said "I guess this means we aren't having dinner?" So I had to leave covered in my own poop. Oddly enough I did hear from him a few days later when he called to ask if I would pay the bill for the carpet cleaning he had to have. Then he asked out my twin sister, and told her the story. Now they are getting married, and I have to be in the wedding, and they sent me a diaper to wear under my dress. Oh my gosh, I wish I could die. -- Anne

This one time I was in the school library looking at some books then, as usual, I got bored then went with my friends to go see some magazines. Well, while browsing through the magazines I saw what I thought was a sample of a perfume then I smelled it. My friends started laughing at me and I did not know why then I turn the page and I see that the "perfume" I smelled was of these new scented tampons!!! then me and my friends start cracking up and I realized, always check what your going to smell

I went to camp in Arizona when i was about ten years old, and i had just started "going out" with this other girl who was apparently a model somewhere.. anyway i had to go #2 so i told her i had to leave and went to talk to my counselor. I asked him where the latrine was and he didnt know, so instead of asking quietly, he shouts across the whole camp "hey, [my name] needs to use the latrene, do you know where it is?" to some other counselor. Of course they have to discuss it for a while, meanwhile this girl heard it and was looking really ashamed. Anyway they finally tell me where it is ( we are out camping so the latrine is a dug out hole near a log..), and i start running embarrassed towards it. Apparently its far from the camp along a road, so i start walking down the road looking for it. I found the toilet paper, which is a sign of whether or not the latrine is occupied. I continue walking looking for it and i can't find it for about five minutes ( did i mention it was night time?), so its really dark i really need to go and no latrine in sight. All i found was a fire place, made of rocks in a circle, so im pooping in this fireplace when all of a sudden flash lights come on everywhere and i see lights in the distance coming towards me, i stood up quickly and ran all the way back to the camp with my pants down. I'll never forget that day...New York

It was around August and I had just gotten a new job as a secretary, so I went to buy some proper clothes for the job. On my way to work, I realized I was almost out of gas, so I stopped at the local Shell station down the road from my house. Since this was Florida, the heat was quite bad during the summer months if you didn't have air conditioning. I pumped in $10.00 worth of gas, and went inside to pay. There was a bit of a line, so I waited. As I got closer to the counter, I could feel a breeze on my legs. When I finally got to the counter, I said, "Hi, how are you today?" The man behind the counter looked mortified, so I said, "are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." He replied, "I guess I have. You're doing a Marilyn Monroe." I turned around in circles trying to figure out what he was talking about, as he watched me make a futher ass of myself. Behind me was a man standing by a Pepsi fridge and a fan. It was then that I realized not only was my dress being blown up from behind, by the fan, but also that today I'd worn pantyhose without underpants underneith. The guy behind was signaling to the man at the counter about what he was seeing. How utterly embarassing. Anonymous

So one day after school, this really hot guy that I've had a crush on came up to me and started talking to me. I haven't talked to him very much so I was way excited. He asked me if I would hang out with him that weekend. That Friday I hung out at his house with some of his friends. I had to take a dump REALLY bad but I was too embarassed to stink up the bathroom. Finally it got so bad that I farted while they were talking and it was coming out so I booked it and luckily found the bathroom. I ran in and later found out that they could hear everything while I was in there. It doesn't end here...come to find out, the toilet was broken and wouldn't flush. So my hot crush came to help me out and got this disgusting look on his face. I was soooo embarassed! He never asked me out again. -MCall

Well me and my best guy friend Ryan went through a tennis stage where we were always on the court. There's this big fence near the court and whenever we played a bunch of balls got hit over it and we always had to climb a fence to pick them up. Well this day we decided when we were done to both climb over... I let him go first and when I went to follow, my foot slipped off the fence and the pointed part at the top caught my bra and pulled it, along with my shirt, up over my head. So here I was trying to get uncaught for like 5 minutes, completely exposed (and i'm definetely not flat). And this is a school tennis court too so there's a bunch of high school guys watching me. When i mentioned to ryan later why i stopped going to play tennis he said "oh yeah. I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up..." and I said "how much did you see?" and he said "everything you wouldn't want me to...." I was soooo mortified!

One time I was at an internet cafe for my friends birthday party. We were all having so much fun playing around. Then my stomach started bubbling. I didn't think it was so serious until I had looked for 10 minutes and found no bathroom. After an hour I couldn't take it anymore so I crapped on myself. I was so embarressed becuase everyone was staring at me and it smelled bad throughout the place. So I started walking home and about half way there after all the staring and walking funny my friends mom popped up in her car and gave me a ride. I felt so bad for rewening the party and stinking up his car. I got grounded for a month from my mom. - Anonymous

So I was in 7th grade nd i was in social studies. My teacher is ok, but she gives detetions for literally everything. i went to the bathroom, and i had to do #2, so it took a little longer than #1. I also had to wait, cuz both the stalls were taken. so i get back like 8-9 min. later, and my teacher yells in front of the class "You're finally back!" so that the whole class is staring at me nd my crush was rite next to the door, so she was really close. then she goes "youre in big trouble, that better have been a #2 or youve got a detention" so i have to go "ummmm yea it was #2" then she goes "i cant hear you!" so i basically have to yell "Yes I went #2!" every1 laughed at me like all day.

Right now is probably my most embarrassing moment because I'm 49 years old and most stories here are from kids. Anyway, when I was in 10th grade it was at a very large city school. It was between classes. EVERYONE was in the hall going to their next class. I was menstruating and sanitary napkins didn't have "wings" or tape. We had to wear this extremely uncomfortable "sanitary belt". I hated it so bad so I did not wear a belt. Ok, remember everyone is changing classes and I was in the main hall. Yup, my "used napkin" fell out of my undies and landed yucky side up!!! I freaked out soooooo bad and without thinking, I kicked the stupid thing and it goes sailing down the hall. Then I start running trying to catch up with it. Of course people were laughing and dodging and pointing......it landed in front of the girls restroom. I opened the door and kicked it inside. I stayed in the bathroom all day crying. And yes, I quit school that very day. No way could I return. (update: i eventually got my ged and went to college.) But it was definantly my most embarrassing moment. (Next to writting about it in here) Debi

Ok I was sitting in Bewitched which by the way wasn't the best movie i've ever seen and my friend was holding the popcorn and she went to the bathroom and the guy next to her had popcorn candy coke and pretzals all brand new and it was all on the ground next to my friends popcorn and i grabbed all of it thinking she had got it for me and ate it all before she came bac i was fsting b4 that so i was starveing but anyway when maggie came back she asked me y i didn't eat any popcorn and i thought she was kidding so i kept eatting finnally the most angrest guy ever came up to me and sad that i had stolen his stuff anf neglected to give it bac so i played cool and had my friend say she had just bought it for me he cooled down and said he was sry he made a mistake. but it dosnt end there the movies are in the mall so natrually we went to the mall after words i was talking to my friend about how dumb that guy had been 4 beleiving me when all of a sudden he walked up to us and said i was was in a lot of trouble he brought me to customer service and they laughed but he refused to leave until they called my parebts so they did and my parents told him he was a snobby jerk over the phone when i saw his face i ran sssoooo fast out of there its not even funny and i stioll see him in the mall like every day he glares at me even tho that was two years ago!!! - Paige

Ok. This is the most um embarrassing moment ever (but also somewhat rewarding). So skiing with my best friend and this guy that i had a HUGE crush on had come along. So I'm skiing and I fall and I'm sprawled all over the place and i walk up get my ski's and make a mental note to switch to snow boarding. So I'm walking back up the lift and like 15 ft in the air I fall off! so then I'm just really pissed so I'm careful on this lift I walk up back to the lodge and my crush and best friend (not to mention everyone in the lodge) was like staring at me and my crush was drooling. I'm like what?! and then my best friend says look down and my boob is totally overhanging my shirt! 2 weeks later me and my crush are making out but my best friend never lets me live it down. -damn it Kasha just let it go. Jess

This was really embarrasing for me. I was in 9th grade math class and there was this really HOT guy sitting behind me. I decided to be cute and pretend to drop my pen so I could bend over show off my butt and pick the pen up. Well it just so happened that as soon as I bend over my desk to pick the pen up I fart. Not just any fart but a loud, nasty, stinky fart. I tried to pretend it was the desk but everyone in the class knew the truth. I ended up being called FartKnocker the rest of the whole year. I had to change schools.-Anonymous-

Ok so last year at school...i go to a very large scool about 3200 students .....the fire alarm went off because one of the science labs had an explosion......well as i was going down the stairs i tripped and like 20 people fell down the stairs as if that wasnt bad enough ....i was wearing like basketball shorts and when i landed at the bottom....my shorts and boxers came right off as i was tumbling down the stairs.. so there i was letting it all hang out...good part i got two dates and a girlfriend im still with....bad part i got detetion and a ticket for indecent exposure how messed up was that....----Josh

Was in 6th grade, it was the first choir concert of the year. The choir director Ms. Truax was new that year, this was her first big debut... and at the end of a very successful concert, during which I felt very queasy, we were all bowing the grand bow, and I threw up all over the director! The puke totally covered her and a few unsuspecting people around me. She was furious! And this was the first performance out of 3 that she had to direct. She spent the whole night smelling like puke. To this day she tells people about the girl that threw up on her, and I am famous in the Middle School.

When I was nine years old, I was sitting on my older brother's water bed watching "The X-Files." My big bro had a lot of spare pennies laying around and I knew better than to put them in my mouth and play with them, but I was mad bored so I did it anyway. So, I had this penny in my mouth and I must have wiggled a little or something because the water bed started moving. Of course, the movement made me choke on the penny. I ran out of my brother's room into the living room coughing with my hands around my throat. My mom instantly screamed, "Oh my God!" and came running towards me. Before she could get to me, I gave one mighty cough and I somehow mananged to swallow the penny! So, once I could speak, I let my mom know that I had choked on a penny and that now my chest hurt really, really bad. So, she called up my older brother (he had the car at the time) and had him pick us up so I could be taken to the hospital. It turned out that the penny had lodged itself in my esopha gus. So, after waiting a night to see if the penny would move at all (it didn't), I had to get surgery to take the penny out. They put me to sleep, stuck a tube down my throat, and used these long tweezers with a camera on the end to pull it out. Ever since I got out of surgery, my family and friends have enjoyed calling me "The Human Piggy Bank" and to this day I cannot be around any pennies without someone asking, "Are you hungry or something, Hilary?" It was quite an embarrassing ordeal, but I still have the penny in a jar and pictures taken of my esophagus as they were pulling it out! Interesting souveniors... - Hilary

I was at the mall with my husband , I was ordering a soda at a fast food restaurant thinking he was beside me I got the urge to grab his butt.. Me being in a rather cheeky mood, I did...
Just a few minutes before my husband had said " Honey, I will be right back". and walked away. I did not here this... So, I grabbed the guy standing next to me only it wasn't his butt it was his groin... He got a great kick outta it and said "He needed to come to the mall more often". and as did his friends they asked if I was single. The guy taking the order l was laughing so hard he was crying. My husband thought it was the best thing that had happened all yr. I was mortified.... - Marcie

Last year I was at a really cool disco and decided to show off in front of my friends, I stumbled backwards, fell through the bathroom door and to make matters worse i landed head first into the toilet. It was so emmbarrasing, while i was doing this the door was wide open and every one at the disco cracked up laughing. It was so so embarrasing. Amber.